when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
