what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
These tits shall not be calmed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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