she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
