Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't deserve a penis
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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