we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
