I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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