are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
