Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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