I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
