I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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