I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
