Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
