I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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