Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
