What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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