Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
