like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He shit in the fireplace
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