hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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