Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
