I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
zippers are such a cool invention
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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