No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
