dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
