I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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