SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
