I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
