I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
