Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
