it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
