Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
