On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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