Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
