wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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