I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All the doctor said was why
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
