Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
