the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize