I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
