he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
