He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
