i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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