After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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