That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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