its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
zippers are such a cool invention
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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