pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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