meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
