it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
