Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize