i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
