carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
