The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
