I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
