my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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