I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
