I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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