He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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