If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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