My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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