Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am midnight drunk by noon
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
