i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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