you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
