You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
