Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize