Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
