I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
