I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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