I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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