Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
