Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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