i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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