meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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