I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
