I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
