god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Umm I'm too high to move.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
