I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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