At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize