bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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