That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
