please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
