I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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