are you still at the devil's house?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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