can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
