I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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