I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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