Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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