we're chasing vodka with high fives
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
