woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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