3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
