how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
