Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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