She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
