dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
