he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
