he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
