Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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