Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
