He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
