Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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