dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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