I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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