im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
