I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
