He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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