4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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