Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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