My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
