I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
