I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
