"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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