Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
